I need a coke dealer in Chicago. anyone know anyone?

I love my job and the people I normally work with, but damn I get so annoyed/triggered so much at it. Everyone is talking about their diets and what they have had to eat and that they are fat. Like really? They do this shit all the time and I’m trying to recover from bulimia and they make it so much worse.

Things have been strange for me lately, I’m not sure how to explain it, but they have been. One my doctor now thinks I have OCD. I’ve done quite a bit of coke these last 5 days. I will need to buy some more soon.

I should be getting my coke today, I’m happy.

E.C. will be pissed if he finds out, oops.

Well, I bought coke. So thank god for that, now at least I can lose some weight without making myself purge or using laxatives. Now I just wont be hungry. Plus I just love coke so much.

Okay, so any feelings I had of self confidence in my self and body, just went crashing through the wall. Um okay, life is kinda shitty. I also feel awful with a lack of will to even try anymore. Now on to the next 4 hours without eating

15 days without purging.

My birthday was yesterday and I did well

I’m trying to get better and be healthy, but I just can’t take everyone tell me otherwise even if they are joking. I can’t take thinking I’ll never be good enough. I hate it.

I ruined Christmas for my mom. She woke up to a note that said,” merry christmas mom. The countdown reset at 3:00am. Love, ali.”

Insomnia. 
Eating Disorder.

They finally came out of my psychiatrist’s mouth.
 I knew I had a problem, but to actually hear it.

She upped my dose hoping it might help with the urges.
Now there’s nothing to do but wait and see 

my sister wrote this on my mirror when I was at work last night

I’m sick of the constant inner battle with do I want to get better or do I want to continue to kill myself slowly. The latter tends to win most days, it scares me. Yet not enough to seek proper help

two hours of purging, now I’m shaky and dizzy.

I’ve eaten way too much. I need to get this out now. I don’t care if this pushes getting another cat back. I just can’t do this.

Wow two weeks in a row glee threw out ed comments.